Twistys

I like to think of myself as a thorough man. I graduated fifth in my class at Westpoint; file my taxes on New Year's Day and have a moustache that can only be described as impeccably combed. But Twistys is a website that seems impressive even to me; bringing together just about everything I could expect to find in a single stop online. Pretty much everything you need to know about it can be gleaned from its impressive vital statistics: 1,900 models, 850,000+ photos, 16,000 video clips, 4 daily updates and over 100 DVDs.

The first question that such a project raises, of course, is exclusivity: how much of this is original content and how much is it just harvested from elsewhere and rebranded? Based on what I can see a lot of Twistys content has been drawn from DVDs or elsewhere. As to whether you can find a collection of this magnitude and quality anywhere else, that's an altogether different question.

Twistys do bring their own exclusive content to the table, too, through their curiously titled 'Treat' section; a concept rather similar to Baskin Robbins' Flavor of the Month™. Here a model will be profiled in depth with exclusive content that includes photo sets, bio details, interviews and movies. Most are tastier than Cookies 'n' Crème, while some have names that might double as flavours: Elektra Blue, you see, is May's model. An added bonus: the girls will answer questions from members on the site's forum, which is surprisingly busy and in which the site owner is a remarkably active participant and responsive contributor.

How do they deal with such an enormous amount of videos, photos and DVDs then? They have a sophisticated searching system, endowed beyond all utility where you can search for models, movies and pictures based on variables like race, cup size, weight in pounds, old favorites like hair colour, age and height – the full list is too long to mention here.

Because I get paid by the hour I decided to put their extensive content searching to the test. Suppose you are, as I am, a very specific kind of pervert. Suppose you only want to watch movies featuring girls from Slovakia (I'll explain some other time) aged between 18 and 21 who are between 5"4 and 5"8 and weigh between 120 and 129 pounds. Well your search is over, brother! Twistys has more than nine full length videos to those exact specifications.

Their DVD section is comprised of what might be called 'traditional' movies, familiar to anyone who ever masturbated before 1994 and mostly memorable for their attempts to weave a poorly scripted plot and hilariously contrived dialogue around a constant parade of erotica. Often the product of parody they have titles such as Internally Yours 3 and Babewatch 16 – nothing that's ever going to win an Oscar but on an intellectual par with most of Ashton Kutcher's movies, the latter is a spoof of the popular 90's series. A satire of the highest order it is set in a California lifeguard station where the employees have very liberal views about spontaneously breaking into orgies at the workplace. Very liberal.

Ultimately if I went into all the necessary detail to tell you what's available here I'd soon run out of space but the message is clear; if you like the sample of what you see below you're only going to find more of the same in every possible combination at Twistys.

- Robert Mong, e-mail with comments at: ptreviews@gmail.com